5 Ways to Awaken Unconditional Self-Love

I remember getting a beating as a child because I lost my hair band.

It was a bright orange, fluffy hair band.

Such a small thing.

A random childhood moment, perhaps. But it left a large imprint on my mind:

That if I can do something so "wrong", I must be inherently bad.

With that kind of message, I learnt to second-guess and doubt myself from early on.

I certainly wasn't raised with shining examples of self love,  self-acceptance, self-advocacy or self-confidence.

I had to learn these things bit by bit until they slowly found a home within my being.

In many family homes - certainly in mine - love and praise were dependent on performance.

Do something "good" -  you get praised.

Make a "mistake" -  you get punished.

And so, without even realising it, I learnt to treat myself the same way.

Self-scorn, or at best neutrality, became the baseline.

Pushing myself beyond my natural rhythm to do, achieve and perform became a way of earning love, from myself and from others. Eventually, it became so deeply set that it felt like a survival programme.

And somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of Divine Flow.

I forgot that there is a natural rhythm to life. That there are seasons. That not every day is meant for producing, achieving or pushing forward.

And that self-love - in its truest form - is independent of performance, achievement, income, health or status.

It isn't earned.

It is inherent.

And of course, self-love doesn't mean excusing behaviour that is out of integrity. I can take responsibility for my actions while still treating myself with love and compassion.

In fact, it is often on my most unproductive days, in my most uncertain phases, and especially when others withdraw their love, that I need my own love and care the most.

Along the way, I have refined the practices that have helped me to awaken a deep and enduring self-love. Here are the five that made a lasting impact:

1. Stay with yourself when things go sideways

Verbally reassure yourself that you did the best you could. Remind yourself that you'll stick with yourself no matter what.

Be a relentless advocate for your own humanity.

2. Wrap yourself in compassion

Imagine wrapping yourself in a large, soft blanket of compassion, one that completely dissolves judgement of yourself, from the beginning of time until now.

This creates space where self-love can flourish.

3. Separate your worth from your performance

Notice when you are equating what you do with who you are. Self-love is ever-available and is not dependent on external validation or circumstances.

Say to yourself: “My performance does not equal my worth.”

4. Find the self-love beneath the noise of the mind

Notice when the voice in your head turns against you. Remember that a critical thought is not a verdict on who you are.

Meditate regularly to create space around unsupportive thoughts.

5. Understand why self-love benefits everyone

The more generously we practise self-love, the more generously we can offer it to others.

Self-love is not selfish. It is fundamental to loving others and living with optimal health and vitality.

Imagine a different kind of world - one where humanity meets itself with grace, and where that grace extends naturally to outward.